I really am that uncertain

In Hegelian philosophy, after a thesis is met with an antithesis, you're supposed to end up with a synthesis, merging the two clashing thoughts into a new thesis, which then leads to a repeated process of refinement. When I have a thought in my head, though, and I then start to question that thought, the two poles tend not to synthesize so much as collide and cause mutual destruction. 

In my last two posts, I posted two opposing ideas that popped into my head while re-watching The Office over several months. On any given day, I might honestly believe either one of those two opposing ideas. I think I'm a little more likely to lean in the direction of the first post, which was why I put it in the lead, but there are days I really, really think the second one was more correct. 

Being able to embrace opposing schools of thought like this might mean I'm a reasonable person. But I don't think reasonable people tend to be that interesting. To be interesting requires being a little bit off-balance. It requires a little bit of shutting one kind of thinking out of your head and favoring another. That's why saints are so unfailingly odd, as are great artists, social do-gooders, and even great athletes. 

I wonder if maybe one reason my writing is stuck where it is has to do with this kind of reasonable-to-the-point-of-dullness agnosticism. Most people who captivate aren't agnostic. They might be horribly wrong about many things, but they aren't agnostic. 

I don't think I can make myself the kind of person who is a true believer. I can't make myself so off-balance the see-saw is always full of potential energy. It's all I can do to keep the bare minimum incline necessary to keep things from stopping altogether. I think a better goal is to try to be more concerned with practical matters and stop thinking so much about metaphysical and philosophical issues I can't solve. 

No book I could write will probably ever do the tangible good for humanity this man did with his 61-second YouTube video. I know I certainly appreciated it yesterday. I think I should aspire to be useful like this man, rather than brilliant like the unbalanced:

I don't even care that he thinks it's called a garbage "disposer."