I've exhausted myself most of my life to try to understand the world, but as I look out at it now, I don't understand anything. The things I'd come to believe tell me that we shouldn't be here, but here we are.
A major part of my regimen to understand the world has been reading, studying, and writing fiction. That must be where at least a big part of the problem lies. I know I've said many times on here before I would stop writing or blogging, but I think now is different. I have a unique opportunity to remake myself, to turn aside from all the projects I've been working on and go in a totally new direction.
When you realize that you don't understand anything, I think it's appropriate to be silent. I'm going to take time to see what silence teaches me. I know some will say that times like these call for speaking up, rather than silence, but I don't believe my speaking up has ever done any good, so I'm just going to try something else and see how that goes. I intend to make this an all-encompassing discipline, almost monastic. If it works out, I'd even like to pick an occupation that makes long periods of silence possible, something blue-collar. I don't have much ability in this realm, and I'm kind of old now for that kind of work, but I'd like to try.
I think this might really and for real be the last post I make, after all the previous threats to not post anymore. Thanks to those who've shared a quest to understand stories with me. If there is any power behind the universe with power and will to intercede, I'd ask it to show pity and mercy to us lost humans trying to figure out the world and caught up going along for the ride on an attraction we didn't volunteer to get on. I'd couple that appeal with one to anyone reading this to also show pity and mercy toward those stumbling through life alongside us.
