What to make of all these encouraging rejections

I got another one of those emails today. Dear Jake, although we're not going to publish you, we liked your writing enough that we were able to distinguish it somewhat from the mountain of rubbish in the slush pile. If you sent something to us again, we might be interested in reading it.

Every writer who isn't George Saunders knows the struggle of submitting short stories to literary magazines. There's rejection--the majority of what you face--and there's an occasional acceptance to keep you going. But then there are also those in-betweeners, the "encouraging rejections."

I've gone back and forth on how "encouraging" an encouraging rejection is. On the one hand, of course it's nice to know someone noticed it. And it does mean something. With ratios ranging from 50 stories to one you can accept to thousands to one, every editor has to let go of stories she likes. So it's nice to hear that even if you weren't the one in a hundred, you were still in a select group. It's some validation.

On the other hand, it can be a little maddening to know you were close but not quite there.

These conflicting feelings get stronger when the journal giving you the nice no is one of the big ones. In the last four months, I've had four of these from four different journals that are generally considered "top 50." I know that these aren't just form letters, because I've sent stories to them before and not gotten this secondary type of rejection. Earlier, all I got was "it's not for us."

I guess I could take it as a sign that I'm growing as a writer, and if I keep at it, I might get a big breakthrough sooner or later.

On the other hand, I'm so exhausted from the effort I've made up to now, and feeling so much like I ought to quit writing and do more responsible things with my life, that it feels like this was the final close-but-no-cigar. Right now, my son is upstairs not doing his homework, because I'm downstairs  writing and not making him do it. I should do something more adult with my time, shouldn't I?

I imagine reactions to rejections are sort of Rorschach tests for writers. True believers will not be deterred by any amount of rejection, even if the local high school turns you down for a journal that all citizens are invited to with the note "Please never write again." Pessimists will always see a down side. Even if the New Yorker picks their piece, you can then whine that it didn't go as viral as "Cat Story" or didn't get picked for Best American Short Stories. Me, I'm an agnostic, and that means I see mixed results in everything.

One way or another, I feel like 2018 is a year where something is going to happen. It might be the year I make some key breakthrough, or it might be the year I hang it up. These last four years of making an honest effort to write successfully have so far felt like I've come to an inconclusive draw. I can't help but interpret these notes as a sign that I'm either boutta knock this writing thing out or get knocked out.